Pointless, Inc. is basically a non-profit organization -- through no fault of our own. Once the economy revives, we expect that to change.

News Flash: Pointless, Inc. Qualifies for Billions in Bailout Funds!!

We have WONDERFUL NEWS for our investors, our employees, our strategic partners, our customers, and our bookies. Federal auditors have confirmed that Pointless, Inc. is "A FINANCIAL DIASTER" and "one of the 10 most financially mismanaged companies in America!" Look at this excerpt from one government auditor: "

After years of mismanagement, this company was worth little more than the office furniture in the executive lounge, yet somehow they managed to leverage their puny assets into millions and then billions of dollars of debt using the most insane and crooked financial derivatives we've ever seen. How could anyone be so foolish, so idiotic, so crooked and corrupt? It's a black hole of stupidity and greed.

YES! As a result, we have surpassed the federal government's Financial Incompetence Threshold, thereby qualifying for BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BAILOUT FUNDS! Only a tiny fraction of these funds - less than 10% - will be used for executive bonuses. The rest will be used for emergency survival measures, which we will announce next week after our Executive Emergency Survival Retreat in Tahiti.

What we give...

We strive to deliver DISRUPTIVE INNOVATIONS to redefine the market place and create your own Corporate Dashboard to leverage your centers of excellence. With the power of disruption and change management, we take our customers PAST THE TIPPING POINT, merging our talents with other CHANGE AGENTS embracing the Discipline of Leadership + the Fifth Discipline to achieve EMPOWERMENT and SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT of dynamic subsystems and CROSS-FUNCTIONAL WORKSTREAMS. Integrated infrastructures and holistic solutions based on long-tailed DISRUPTIVE TECHNOLOGIES are our specialty - yet we are DIVERSE and can capture new, emerging paradigms for novel transformations with knowledge-based system dynamics and rapid prototype development based on advanced Information Technology for effective and disruptive CUSTOMER RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT (CRM) in every workstream and especially in your market niche. We do it just in time and always right the first time, while exceeding customer expectations and establishing customer delight as we manage by objectives to make every effort a VALUE ADDED process that helps you reach your wildest dreams. This means we achieve GLOBALLY ROBUST total quality management (TQM) not only through statistical process control (SPC), Taguchi methods, and QUALITY FUNCTION DEPLOYMENT (QFD), but also through Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP - pardon me!), Manufacturing Execution Systems (MES - something we make out of everything we do!), BEST PRACTICES, BENCHMARKING, and TOTAL EXCELLENCE. This is possible because we maintain a flat organization led by one-minute managers who are constantly in search of excellence. Our world-class employees - whether on-shore or off-shore - don't just PUSH THE ENVELOPE, they mutilate the envelope, explode the envelope, and shove the envelope down our competitors' throats. Sure, that leads to some problems in our mail room, but it's a small price to pay for being a GLOBAL MARKET LEADER through transformational KNOWLEDGE SYNERGY and CUSTOMER CENTERED GROWTH. Whew! If we had to sum it up in just one word, it would be FISH! Or maybe even SQUID! (Our own motivational business movie, SQUID!, will be released this Fall, with Tom Cruise in the lead role.)

Speaking of global leadership, we'll help your company optimize it's workforce by off-shoring nearly everybody to the third-world country of your choice. Our new Offshoring Wizard® is just one of our many services to help make your company more sustainable than ever before. (But we strongly oppose executive offshoring - a heinous practice that could destroy the American way.)

Our INTEGRATED SYSTEMS FOR TOTAL SOLUTIONS transform our OPERATIONS INFORMATION MANAGEMENT through visionary STAGES AND GATES (SAG) to yield empowered multi-functional BUSINESS BENEFIT DRIVERS based on DISRUPTIVE INNOVATION validated with AUTHENTIC METRICS across the value chain for top-notch CUSTOMER RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT with a FUZZY FRONT END. Fueled by this paradigm, we kick our competitors in their fuzzy rear end.

Through it all, we display peak creativity as a core competency, especially when we are financially strapped. We call it "out of bucks thinking" - a paradigm other companies seek to emulate.

New! Pointless Goes Multi-Sigma!While the slackers who think they compete with us are satisfied with wimpy SIX SIGMA quality efforts (ha!), Pointless pushes and shreds the envelope with our 666 SIGMA program. You can't get too many sigmas when you're out to be the world's best! Combine all those sigmas with our WORLD-CLASS METRICS - (we've talking metrics, metrics, and more metrics; in fact, we've got metrics out the wazoo!) - and you'll see why Pointless sets the pace in the marketplace. Our "666 Sigma" label proves that you've got the best quality control around. With Pointless as your guide, you'll be able to wear the "666 Sigma" logo, truly the "Mark of the Best"!

We are market leaders because we know and practice all 458 HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE while our competitors don't know any more than 7. In fact, our employees spend much of their day tracking and benchmarking their performance in each of those vital 458 areas. Can you afford to work with a company that's missing over 450 habits of success? Is that any way to drive growth?

And, as interdependent centers of innovation, we've taken ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning) and made it even better: now we can offer you our expertise in BERP (Better Enterprise Resource Planning). And we've even transcended that with BERP Employee Leveraged Corporate Hermeneutics (BELCH). Now you can bring it to all of your company with newest integrated programs, Truly Widespread Enterprise Resource Planning (TWERP) and Fully Accessible Knowledge-based Enterprise Information Technologies (FAKE IT).

At Pointless, we embrace only the best paradigms for managerial excellence. For example, we believe in the proven concept of Management by Walking Around (MBWA). This year upper management will be walking around the shores of Maui at our annual leadership retreat.

Bottom line: we strive - day by day - to move towards tomorrow, leading and empowering, developing NEW PARADIGMS with harmonic processing of opportunity vectors. You see, it's all about the FUTURE. For us, the future is not just tomorrow, as it is for our myopic competitors. We realize that the future goes all the way into the end of next quarter, and that's where we keep our focus. Integration, serendipity, leadership, empowerment, SYNERGY, tolerance, diversity, paradigms, profit centers, transformation, partnering, timeliness, dimorphism and heliotropism - all while developing our Strategic Value Propositions using a Balanced Scorecard Framework to optimize ROI, ROC, and P/E. That's what it's all about. Think about the POWER and PROFIT this WIN/WIN approach can have for you. We're ready to serve!

What we accept...

Cash, Mastercard, and Visa (quality is free, but our services aren't). Order now!

Update: Now you can pay us with PayPal!

To initiate a new tomorrow and achieve a value-added future, contact our Absolutely Total Customer Satisfaction Division at SpendNow@Pointless.com. You'll have enhanced self-esteem for doing so. THANK YOU - and may your day be empowered, vital, and divergent. We think you'll remember this site - and return often - because nothing else is truly Pointless.

Quality to the core...

We've reorganized to focus on our CORE COMPETENCIES. Why? Because it turns out that our last reorganization focused on our core incompetencies. This time, we're sure we've got it right.

Investor Relations

NEWS! J.P. Morgan upgrades Pointless (POINTLESS.PK) stock from "Abandon Hope" to "Despair."

Pointless investors are always our top priority, and we're bullish about the future. According to the popular Ultimate Wealth Penny Stocks Newsletter, Pointless stock has never looked better! They write:

The recent market correction for Pointless Stock brought Pointless from a 52-week high of 4 cents down to 0.03 cents, resulting in AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY TO BUY ON THE DIPS. As we've been saying for the past two years, surely it can't go any lower now, so this is the perfect time to buy. Recent fluctuations in price over the past 48 hours show an inverted decapitated head-and-shoulders formation with resistance at 0.05 and support at 0.025, with C-formation wedging of the lows and surprisingly high volume coming out of a shattered cup and saucer pattern over the past two weeks. If resistance points are broken, then we could see an upward gap breaking out of channel lines and piercing the 50-hour moving average as we move past the pivot point, all very bullish and indicating possibly huge gains. Short interest is high, with thousands of people raking in the bucks recently during the prolonged market correction - a very bullish indicator according to our contrarian philosophy. BUY! BUY! BUY!

You can buy Pointless stock from any reputable penny stocks broker, or come to our headquarters and we'll print up as many shares as you want. We've got rolls of the stuff!

Number of hits so far:

Thanks for making this the most visited site in the galaxy!

---

The Wit and Wisdom of Our CEO

Unsolicited references

CEO David J. Huffenpuff's Latest Speech

Beam back to Jeff Lindsay's cracked planet

Index to the cracked pages of Jeff Lindsay

---

Pointless, Inc. was featured as the cover story for the October 1998 edition of LifeWorks Magazine (an business and success magazine from Arkansas). Amazingly, they thought that Pointless was some kind of spoof!!

DISCLAIMER: Pointless, Inc. is a satirical and crazed software and consulting firm that I developed as a spoof, initially inspired by the now-defunct Point.com, and then expanded to cover some of the oddities one encountered in other dot-coms and in the general literature about Corporate America. Any apparent resemblance to actual companies is solely the fault of the reader who undoubtedly is reading too much into these pages.