The Pointless House of Quality: · Our CEO · Employment · Priorities · News · Diversity · Training · Support · Home		Our Unique Priorities at Pointless, Inc.! What makes Pointless, Inc. such a unique company? Simply stated, it's our core values and priorities. They are the secret of our success. Establishing the proper priorities wasn't easy. It required many hard and painful decisions. But that process resulted in a new paradigm that guides all we do. Here are our fundamental values and prime priorities that have helped make us one of the top 99.9% of all corporations in the world:

Primal Priorities at Pointless

Environmental Partnership. No other value takes precedence over our need to be environmentally responsible. Every policy, every act, every sale, every office party is first considered in terms of its environmental impact. Our focus on recycling is just one example. Every office has at least three recycling bins and everything we use gets recycled - right down to our quarterly reports, our pink slips, and our management fads. All we do is focused on protecting the environment!	Safety Comes First! No amount of profit is worth taking risks that could jeopardize the life or health of anyone. We'd rather fire someone than risk harming an employee. You see, safety truly comes first at Pointless. This commitment is so important that every office is regularly scrutinized after hours by our President himself to ensure that no unsafe conditions are tolerated. And we're proud of our safety record: in our first two years of operation, we've had nearly ZERO fatalities.
Well-being of Employees. The growth, happiness, and well-being of our employees is the Number One value at Pointless. Sure we care about profits, but nothing comes ahead of our commitment to our employees. More than just workers, we view and treat our employees like members of the family. In fact, many employees have noted the strong paternal style of upper management. We love our employees - that's why it hurts so much every time we downsize.	Return to Stockholders. This is THE bottom line at Pointless. Nothing we do matters if we don't return value to our stockholders. Each employee must continually demonstrate this his or her work contributes to the bottom line. Failure to return value is not tolerated! This kind of thinking is at the heart of all Pointless does. It's our defining paradigm.
Pursuit of Excellence. At the top of any Pointless list of values you'll always find excellence. Excellence is what we do best and do most. We think excellence, talk excellence, reward excellence, promote excellence, and mandate excellence. Like quality, excellence is the one thing we will excel in above all else. As our President says so frequently, "Excellence is Excellent!" And how do we achieve excellence? We use Taguchi methods and Kepner-Tregoe solutions, of course! Plus, we speak INTJ. What more do you want?	Global Citizenship. First and foremost, we at Pointless see ourselves not just as highly successful white middle-aged male North American business persons in dark gray suits, but as members of spaceship earth, on a voyage with billions of other interconnected, co-linked, interdependent beings. From the corn farmer in Kansas to the opium growers in Burma, from the llama herder of Peru to the ivory smugglers in Zaire, all of us are equal partners with each other and with mother nature on this most precious of planets. We at Pointless recognize and celebrate our global responsibilities. With global thinking as our fundamental value, we're always looking for ways to ship more jobs overseas.
Diversity. What other core value better describes Pointless than our commitment to diversity? Diversity is truly our paramount value of all values. We seek for diversity, focus on diversity, and put diversity as the first item on all brochures about our company. Every Monday, we spend two hours in diversity training. And our company looks like America, especially where it counts - among the hardworking little people, the entry-level workers who provide the foundation for all we do. Now, thanks to bold recruiting practices, we're achieving even more diversity by hiring illegal aliens, especially women and children. Diversity comes first at Pointless!	Market Leadership. Our overarching vision is to lead, wherever we go, whatever we do. Nothing comes ahead of our goal to be market leaders. Read our lips: we're going to be Number One. That goal is what drives and inspires every move we make. We'll do whatever it takes to get that and to stay there. Come follow us - the leaders, wherever we go. It's our visionary leadership that makes us distinctly, uniquely Pointless.

Our Primal Priorities, of course, are true reflections of our mission statements. Yes, we mean statements - a plural noun. While lesser corporations only have one mission statement, we excel by creating a new state-of-the-art mission statement every month. This requires sacrifice and dedication on the part of our executives, who must take time off each month for an executive retreat (typically in the Bahamas) to devise a new and improved statement that embraces the hopes, dreams, and desires of all employees. These are valuable exercises, well worth the weeks of time required. As a result of this dedication to writing world-class mission statements, we've come up with statements such as the following:

Let Pointless Help Your Company Define its Mission! ----- Let Pointless help your company establish its vision and mission! Don't settle for mediocrity - global meta-objectives can be yours, with our help! We've inspired dozens of other companies around the world to transcend the rational and impress investors with bold new levels of hyperbole in their mission statements, and we can do the same for you. For a real-world example of such a mission statement and corporate philosophy, look at the Pointless-inspired statements for Harima Corporation in Japan. It makes us tremble with pride!

We are committed to being the best, to being star performers, to making it to the top, and to achieving total excellence in every way. We firmly believe that total excellence is totally excellent.

We will be recognized and highly praised market leaders demonstrating best practices, state-of-the-art processes, and world class executive salaries.

Making loads of cash is not our only goal. World peace and harmony, environmental preservation, the feeding of all hungry people, and the elimination of suffering, hate, and the Fox News Channel are all long-term goals of ours, once we have met the needs of our stockholders.

The customer comes first. So do our employees. And the stockholders. Plus the environment.

We listen with our hearts, think with our heads, build with our hands, view the future with our eyes, and smell sweet success with our noses.

We will not tolerate intolerance of any kind. Country music is also out.

Everyone will be equal, diverse, and preferably equally diverse. Gender diversity is expected of all.

Non-executives are motivated by recognition more than they are by money. Let's give them lots of recognition.

We strive to be totally ethical in every aspect of our appearance, and hire the best lawyers money can by to prove our innocence.

And of course, it goes without saying that we use BAT (best available technology) and BMP (best management practices) which enables us to achieve LPSS (lowest possible staff salaries - the key to job security) and HPMS (highest possible management salaries). And we are INTJ-compliant. Pointless is such a great place to work that our employees usually would never even think of working anywhere else, even after they are laid off. But just to make sure, we are proud to offer our employees what has been praised as possibly being the world's most aggressive non-compete agreement.

But what makes Pointless so absolutely unique, like most other large American corporations, is that we view all our employees not just as workers, but as FAMILY. In fact, we've made so much progress developing our Corporation-as-Family paradigm that we think we have a lot to offer parents to help them as they struggle with their own smaller families. Parents need to teach their children, as we do our employees, that as part of a family, they need to carry their own weight and be ready to offer 100% loyalty and 100% of their time and energy for the good of the family. Kids need to understand that they can never just run off and change families if things don't work out. Further, parents need to act quickly when times are tough or when children aren't performing well. That's right - parents ought to lay off a few children every now and then to improve finances or promote discipline and morale. (Laying off children was once a difficult task, but no longer, thanks to a valuable public service that we promote: Planned Unparenthood.)