Important updates about our technical support services:

UPDATE, Dec. 5, 2003: To better serve you, we have off-shored our support staff in order to bring you the best possible technical support at no additional cost to us. BONUS! Free technical support is now offered in a wide variety of languages to better serve you. When you call, you can speak to our representatives in Hindi, Bengali, Tamil, Telugu, Punjabi, and even Santali! English is also available for $25 per call.

UPDATE, Dec. 15, 2003: To better serve you and in response to overwhelming demand for high quality technical support at Pointless, we have downsized our off-shore technical support staff to ensure that only the highest quality staff member is there to take your calls.

UPDATE, Dec. 18, 2003: To better serve you, we are now accepting technical support calls in ANY language! Answers, however, will be limited to Tamil (free), Bengali (free), or English ($25 per call).

UPDATE, Dec. 20, 2003: To better serve you with more uniformity, all calls will be billed at a single convenient rate of $50, regardless of language.

UPDATE, Dec. 23, 2003: Tech support at Pointless has now been expanded to a 24/7 basis. We'll be open every month on the 24th for about seven minutes. Since wait times are typically about three hours, we encourage you to get in the queue well ahead of our office hours.

UPDATE, Dec. 28, 2003: To better serve you, and due to overwhelming customer response during our Dec. 24 technical support session, we are no longer publishing our technical support phone number or office hours.

UPDATE, Jan. 15, 2004: To better serve you, we have downsized our technical support worker and replaced her with an automated fax system using our toll-free fax-line. (Use the number given above, just before this list of updates.)

UPDATE, Feb. 1, 2004: To better serve you, we have replaced our toll-free fax-line with an offshore long-distance number costing. Each call will automatically and conveniently add a $60 charge to your phone bill. (Use the numbers given above.)

UPDATE, Feb. 21, 2004: To better serve you, we have complied with an unfortunate Federal order, in response to misguided allegations of "phone fraud," requiring us to shut down our off-shore phone program. To better serve you, we have now added a true 24/7 e-mail support system staffed by Nigerian e-mail experts. To begin receiving e-mail support, simply register by sending us your bank account number, at least one credit card number and expiration date, and your social security number. We'll take care of the rest and see that you get the assistance you need. Register now and you may receive up to 35% of a $50 million Nigerian sweepstakes, thanks to the courtesy of the late General Abu Magunabe whose rightful heirs are now on the Pointless Board of Directors.

Online Technical Support and Knowledgebase

Please select the Pointless, Inc. product name: Offshore Genie^® Layoff Wizard^® Outplacement Wizard^® UltimateForce^® Forced Ranking Tool Buzz-Mantra® Mission Statement Maker BERP Plus (Beyond ERP) Pension Slasher Wizard^® Enronamatron^® Accounting Suite Zero Tolerance Diversity Enforcer^® Feng-Shui Cubicle Planner^®

Please select your computer platform: Atari Comodore 64 Apple II Lisa MacPlus UNIVAC Hal 9000 Windows 95 Next Slide rule

Please enter you 86-digit product registration code:
Note: Your registration code was stamped on the back of the original envelope in which your software was mailed, which you were told to keep (if you bothered to read the fine print on the back of the packing slip that came with your software). Without the product registration code, we will need to charge an additional $50 per incident for processing your call, in order to better serve you.

In the next field, to help us better serve you, please enter a detailed description of your financial assets, including account information from at least two credit cards (including expiration date), your account information from your checking and savings accounts, amount of money in your accounts, social security number, date of birth, driver's license number, all known PINs for your accounts, passwords and user names for your computer accounts, location of any cash or jewelry in your apartment, best time to find you away from home, annual income, address, telephone number, shoe size, who you voted for in the last three elections, your feelings about Homeland Security, and other personal details about your life.

--Enter financial and personal information here for processing by our trusted offshore technical support affiliates in Nigeria. This information is needed to better serve you.--

Please describe in detail the nature of your problem and the type of assistance you need:

I DO agree with the fine print of the terms and conditions document (somewhere else on this site) for technical support, and am willing to pay all associated fees.

I DO NOT disagree with the fine print of the terms and conditions document for technical support, and am willing to pay all associated fees.