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Corporate Training at Pointless!

 Mutating toward an evolutionary future - only the fittest survive.
We at Pointless are devoted to constantly growing and nurturing our employees through generous training programs. Working with some of the most popular consultants in the world, we regularly bring in-house training programs for our employees to improve their productivity, to enhance their skills, to stay trendy, and to prevent lawsuits.

With the world-class training you'll get at Pointless, you can join many other successful employees in Corporate America, and know what they mean when they say:

Training News:
The Anthony Robbins Firewalk
Scream! Jump! You're a winner!Thanks to the many Pointless employees who attended the Anthony Robbins Advanced Leadership training seminar, culminating in the exciting firewalk ritual to prepare people for their next performance review. Unfortunately, our insurance provider, Untied Health, now excludes foot burns from our policy. (See the Anthony Robbins insurance update item on the News at Pointless page.)

New! Sox Education: Sarbanes-Oxley Training

Anyone who understands the new Sarbanes-Oxley regulations (that's a total of three consultants from Florida, as far as we can tell) knows that you can never get enough Sarbanes-Oxley training. Since most of our corporate resources are now dedicated to Sarbanes-Oxley compliance to keep Congress of our back and our executives out of jail, we demand continuous SOX education for our employees. In this series of courses from the Sox in the City consulting firm of Florida, employees learn how to fill out reports detailing their previous report completion tasks, reports on projected report completion activities, reports justifying previously missed reports, and reports on reporting behaviors dealing with former and projected reports. To bring in a real-world component to the course, employees who make errors in the hands-on reporting workshop are jailed for several months or, worse yet, interrogated by a panel of former Congressmen in front of TV cameras.

Leading Without Authority - and Spending Without a Budget

"Leading Without Authority" has long been a mainstay of Corporate training. Now we're pleased to offer the sequel: "Spending Without a Budget." And coming next quarter, watch for our new computer training course: "Surfing and Email Without a Connection."

Other Training Workshops at Pointless

Inclusion Training

Kudos to the trendy San Francisco firm, Count Me In, Ltd., for this urgently needed course that helps all employees become part of the Pointless family. This course is so packed full of valuable material that, even though it only lasts two days, most employees say it seemed like at least a week. Course summary: "Be nice to other employees, otherwise they will feel bad."

Preventing Sexual Harassment

This two-day mandatory workshop, offered by the Paytons and Tunnes Group, is for all employees whether male, female, or other. Course summary: "Be nice to other employees of gender - but not too nice, otherwise you'll be fired."

Conflict Resolution Training

A three-day course on how employees can better work together and avoid the kind of interpersonal conflicts that can lead to hurt feelings, limited productivity, and bloody carnage with dozens of dead bodies. Course summary: "Be nice to other employees so they won't shoot you."

Workplace Ethics Training

This mandatory two-course by the Andersen-Enron-Mitnick Associates helps raise awareness about the need for corporate ethics. Course summary: "Don't steal, don't cheat, and always be nice, because jail is a rotten place to spend your career."

Assertiveness Training

One of our most important offerings, this two-day workshop by some of the same people who coached Colin Powell, Donald Trump, and Madonna, helps employees break past inhibitions that might limit their potential. Course summary: "Don't worry about being nice - just do whatever it takes to succeed!"

We hope you are as impressed as we are about our world-class training at Pointless. One thing is for sure: these programs are already having a dramatic effect on our bottom line! But we're helping to offset that challenge by asking employees to help pay for the cost of all this advanced training. As little as 25% out of their pretax income is all it costs most of those in the ranks of Pointless. You can't get this kind of education for such a price anywhere else.

Curator: Jeff Lindsay (the alter ego of David J. Huffenpuff),  Contact:
Created: Feb. 4, 2003
Last Updated: Feb. 4, 2003
URL: "http://www.jefflindsay.com/pointless/train.shtml"
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