https://www.jefflindsay.com/verbal-self-defense/ Jeff Lindsay's mixed report: a tempest of topics, a plethora of photos, and a cornucopia of corniness. Tue, 20 Mar 2007 18:31:12 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://www.jefflindsay.com/verbal-self-defense/#comment-377 Tue, 20 Mar 2007 18:31:12 +0000 https://www.jefflindsay.com/blog/2006/verbal-self-defense/#comment-377 Funny- my father taught me the “Boring Baroque Response” technique (though he didn’t call it that) back when I was in the 3rd grade. I’m 38 now and I still remember the response word for word.
To make a long story short, there was a bully who was constantly teasing me about being the shortest in the class, and being the top student as well. After getting caught cheating from my paper during a test, he threatened to beat me up after school, and continued threatening me for several days. Somehow I managed to get home unscathed each day, and finally told my father about the threats.
He said he’d talk to the teacher, but in the meantime taught me the “Boring Baroque Response”. His had a twist though. It was actually very threatening- even from a little girl half his size. But to a stupid and ignorant 3rd grade bully, it was just a bunch of big words he didn’t understand, and it was the fact that he didn’t understand it that made it threatening, even though the meaning of the words were threatening, themselves.
My father told me to say it with a smile, in a very matter-of-fact, calm and normal voice, and I was to say it everytime the boy threatened me.
It went like this:
“If you attempt that manuever, I shall pummel you soundly on or about the head and shoulders with a means likely to produce grevious bodily harm.”
Not sure if it was my repeated response to his repeated threats that prevented me from actually being tortured, or if was just the grace of God. Either way, THANKS DAD!

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