Astral Duct Cleaners, Inc.
A Service of the Cracked Planet Shopping Spree!
When we clean your ducts, you won't have to turn off your heating or air conditioning for four hours while you endure the senseless banging and loud sucking noises of conventional duct suckers! Our team of transcendental duct guides will be finished in just a matter of minutes, and will cost only about half as much as conventional disruptive methods. Joining together in higher-order meditation and barely-audible tantric chanting, our team will tap into the harmonic powers of the cosmos to remove the negative energies that clog typical duct systems, casting out the self-imposed limitations and removing the archaic boundaries of conventional thought that hinder your ducts, allowing your heating and cooling system to achieve higher consciousness and improved efficiency.
Astral Ducts will bring your home a warmth (or coolness, depending on seasonal needs) that transcends mere temperature. Discover why so many of our customers ask us to come back--sometimes on the very same day!
Special: order now and have your windows holistically cleaned as well. Once the glass itself has been truly purified through the power of focused harmonic thought, there will be no need for Windex ever again!
Also ask about placebo duct cleaning from MegaPlacebos Plus! For a surprisingly low fee, they'll come in and bang on your ducts for a while, without ever actually invading the ducts. You'll feel like you've been cleaned, without the pain.
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