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Astral Duct Cleaners, Inc.

A Service of the Cracked Planet Shopping Spree!

Conventional duct cleaning, with its massive vacuum pumps, duct banging cables, and violent cutting into primary duct lines, is a noisy, traumatic, invasive procedure. Not only can it scar your ducts, but it can disrupt the protective energies of your home and cause spiritual damage to the inhabitants. Cleaning of ducts is a good idea, but not the way the so-called "professionals" do it. Let Astral Ducts, Inc. clean your ducts holistically with quiet and tranquil, earth-friendly, non-polluting, spirit-enhanced positive energy techniques that not clean your ducts and but purify the air and total energies of your home. Astral Ducts means better karma and higher "qi" levels for your home or business! Free flowing qi in a man-made structure is very important as stagnant qi can lead to disease and very bad moods, especially if the space has not been decorated using Feng Shui. This in turn could lead to very high acupuncture bills.

When we clean your ducts, you won't have to turn off your heating or air conditioning for four hours while you endure the senseless banging and loud sucking noises of conventional duct suckers! Our team of transcendental duct guides will be finished in just a matter of minutes, and will cost only about half as much as conventional disruptive methods. Joining together in higher-order meditation and barely-audible tantric chanting, our team will tap into the harmonic powers of the cosmos to remove the negative energies that clog typical duct systems, casting out the self-imposed limitations and removing the archaic boundaries of conventional thought that hinder your ducts, allowing your heating and cooling system to achieve higher consciousness and improved efficiency.

Astral Ducts will bring your home a warmth (or coolness, depending on seasonal needs) that transcends mere temperature. Discover why so many of our customers ask us to come back--sometimes on the very same day!

Special: order now and have your windows holistically cleaned as well. Once the glass itself has been truly purified through the power of focused harmonic thought, there will be no need for Windex ever again!

Also ask about placebo duct cleaning from MegaPlacebos Plus! For a surprisingly low fee, they'll come in and bang on your ducts for a while, without ever actually invading the ducts. You'll feel like you've been cleaned, without the pain.

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Curator: Jeff LindsayContact:
Created: Jan. 18, 2004
Last Updated: Jan. 18, 2004
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