Snippets from Jeff Lindsay

Breaking News from the Cracked Planet:

Bush Vindicated Again: Weapons of Grass Destruction Found in Iraq!

President Bush announced today that any doubts about the war in Iraq have been completely uprooted by the discovery of a massive chemical weapons factory disguised as a giant sand dune north of Baghdad. "This factory had the capacity to make over 10,000 gallons a day of a vile biological agent, one of the most powerful known weapons of grass destruction." According to Bush, the chemical, commonly called "Roundup" by terrorism experts, was destined for use against Americans to destroy lawns and grasslands. Marines found plans for converting Wisconsin to a giant dessert, much like those in Iraq. Homeyard Security is now investigating possible connections between Iraq and US companies such as Monsanto, the source of Roundup technology. Jeff Lindsay, President of the grassroots activists organization National Lawn Care Now!, accused Monsanto of being part of a vast conspiracy among Big Lawn Care Companies, and demanded a Congressional investigation and an appearance on the Larry King Show. President Bush refused to comment.

Jeff Lindsay, April 19, 2003

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