Millions of people are starving, in desperate need of basic grains. Now the Cracked Planet offers the solution!
Just send one grain of rice to each of the five people on the list below. Put your name at the top of the list, and send this e-mail on to at least 1000 other people with instructions to do what you just did. They will each send you a grain, put their names at the top of the list, and send e-mail to another 1000 or more people. If you don't get at least 10 grains within a week, send out more e-mail until you do. Within two months, you will receive 50,000 pounds of rice. Within a year, you will receive 870 TRILLION TONS of rice. Just send HALF of this to the United Nations to combat world hunger and keep the rest to sell (you'll be filthy rich!!!).
Let me assure you, one half of 870 trillion tons of grain is enough to provide each person on earth with enough calories to become luxuriously obese and stay that way for at least 3,000 years! You will provide the world a legacy of hope that will last for generations. And each of the millions of people who receive this e-mail and follow the simple, guaranteed directions will be doing the same. Soon the United Nations will have enough grain to cover the entire surface of the earth with rice pudding 160 miles deep! (Once the rice is in, we'll use multilevel marketing to obtain the huge quantities of milk and sugar needed for rice pudding.)
Of course, for environmental reasons, we have no intention of actually covering the earth with miles of grain (sadly, that could limit rain forest growth). With the huge profits generated by selling excess grain, the UN will be able to launch a massive interstellar program to feed other hungry planets. If we keep our e-mail system going for just 5 years, we'll have enough grain to cover every planet in this galaxy and several others with all the grain our extraterrestrial brothers and sisters could ever want. Think of it - you'll be doing more than just feeding the poor of this planet, you'll be spreading hope throughout the universe. And getting rich and famous, too. Don't miss this opportunity!
Here are five randomly selected names to start with:
And naturally, any excess rice we collect will be planted to create rice-grass lawns for the poor, in support of the most important eco-political issue of all, nationalized lawn care - the grassroots movement of the environmentally compassionate folks at Nationalized Lawn Care Now!
Of course mathematically there is an exponential factor that could grow to many trillions and quadrillions and "Zillions" of tons of rice if people will follow your plan. But it is only a mind game. First of all, in the very early stages of the plan, there will be not enough rice to send around. Second the mail would be totally saturated from the very begining, it would be mechanically impossible to distribute the grain. Third there will be logistic storage problems. Fourth how would you explain the people what to do and mostly how to plan their nutrition with the overwhelming amount of the nutrients that will bring all kind of pests such as rodents of all kind, insects of all kind, polution of all kind. Fifth I am not even going to consider the idea to send rice to other planets there might no be other intelligent life in other planets, and if there is the cost to deliver the food will be so prohibitive that we will need many planet earths to get the material to manufacture the spaceships. And this is to mention a few points of the top of my head. The whole idea is childish at its best.This is a typical attack, throwing out a huge array of arguments, each seemingly overwhelming in power, each carefully crafted by highly paid lawyers, scientists, and spin doctors, disguised as the "straightforward" thoughts of Mr. John H. But, dear reader, don't listen to such forces! Take John's logic with a grain of salt - or rice, if you prefer. Don't let mere logic stop you from stopping global hunger. Now get those envelopes out and get started!
Please tell me what you think. Don't send me rice.
[Name withheld to protect John H.'s identity.]
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